My journey out of sexual brokenness and predatorial appetites began that week of October 31, 1994. Sins that once occupied my heart no longer did. Finally, I was justified by faith and had found peace with God . Hallelujah! The old passed away, and I was reborn into a new Life. It’s the great exchange— my sin-dead-life for Jesus’ righteous Life. By grace through faith I:
- EMBRACED Jesus as my crucified and risen Lord, my forgiving Lamb, and my saving Life… always learning, always growing to—
- EXPERIENCE Him as my rescuing Liberator, my all-wise Leader, and my Light-Source of Grace & Truth … so that I might—
- ENJOY Him as the Perfect Lover of my Soul, now & forever! AMEN.
Holy Spirit gave me a NewHeart with new and right desires. A new spirit—God’s Life living in me. And that salvation journey has led me to learning how to overcome sin’s hunts, haunts, and habits—i.e., the lying, the stealing, and ...oh.. what to do with all those gay thougths, chooses, and feelings—the enemy that had smothered me for so long. I was free at last! Hallelujah!
Biblical References:(Psalm 16:11; 23: 1-6; John 5:24; 17:3, 23; 2 Corinthians 5:17, 21; Romans chapters 5 & 6 & 7 & 8; Galatians 2:20; 5:1, 16-24; Ephesians 2:1-10; Colossians 1:27, 2:13-14; 3:1-5; 4:2-6; Titus 3:3-7; 1 John 5:13, 20-21)…
THE DETAILS OF THE EXCHANGED LIFE
Remember this is the testimony of Jesus’ Life in me. And the title asks a still unanswered question—Born Gay or Not? But before I dive into that answer, I want to preface it with how God set me free. Sure, God saved me from my sins, including homosexual thinking, choosing, and feeling. but HOW?
Let me ask you, what was I looking for in the gay life? I was looking for my hero. A replica or my maternal grandfather—Papa (sounds like ‘paa-paw). No, this hero never abused me in any sense of the word. He was a pure and faithful man to both God, his wife, and his family. A man of integrity. A man trustworthy. But most of all, an easy-going man and a friend. But I grew up identifying him and mysef by the size of his genitals. To say the least he was a heavily endowed man. And when I hit puberty, I thought I was going to grow up to be just like him. Well, I was disappointed. Instead of my body growing into his, I took after my dad and his side of the family. And to my knowledge every Browning male has the similar characteristics (e.g., we all have the Browning nose). And yes, we are all alike down there.
This assumption and eventually longing, led me to explore other guys in search of what I thought should be mine or what I thought was missing. Exploring from early childhood that eventually grew into sexual exploitation of others, then living a gay lifestyle. Always looking for guys who gave me what I thought was lacking but was really acceptance, belonging, and significance… even security. But every relationship eventually left me feeling empty and lacking. Even when I found that one guy who was just like Papa (except he had hair 😊) or what I remembered my Papa was like as a boy, though I never saw Papa with an erection.
It wasn’t until Holy Spirit began teaching me the truths of Romans 5, 6, 7, & 8 that God began to work a miracle. A revolution. Changing how I think, choose, and feel about the false and the true intimacies of sexual behavior and sexuality. Holy Spirit used three Bible duets:
- The Identity Switch of 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 combined with The Masquerade of Romans 7:17 & 20 unfolding my true identity.
- The Great Exchange of 2 Corinthians 5:17 & 21 & 22 combined with the New Heart of Ezekiel 36:25-28 revealing the true desires of God's heart alive in me (Romass 7:22).
- The Romans 6 Equation: KNOW—RECKON—YIELD—WALK (v1-14) revealing the POWER & PATH, the PERSPECTIVE, and the PRESENCE & PEACE of significant and lasting faith, and the beauties of Jesus’ Life as seen in Galatians 2:20 and Isaiah 40:31.
In other words, overtime, Holy Spirit taught me I was no longer gay but God’s child set free from the sexual brokenness that had hunted and haunted and habited my life for 22 years (from age 6 to 28). I was able to embrace, experience, and enjoy Jesus’ Life my own for I had been given a new heart with new and right desires. I had become a new creation—no longer sin-dead but made alive with Jesus righteous Life. As He is pure and faithful, I am pure and faithful. Even my sexuality and sexual behavior (the gay thinking, then gay choosing... and remembering... and the gay feelings) have become a pure and faithful extension of Jesus living in me. What a wonderful newness of Life! Praise the Lord!!!